Table of Contents
What happened during the conflict and how did it escalate?
What caused the conflict to start or escalate?
What was the outcome and why did the steps taken produce it?
What can this experience teach you about conflict?
I’ve learned throughout my life that conflicts can be small, large, or with just 2 or 15 people. The conflict I was involved in encompasses all four of these qualities. My 15 closest friends are all good friends and have a common enemy. Luke is his name, and most friends who have spent time with him stopped because of their off-putting personalities. Luke began to stick with the few people that would allow him to be. We quickly became enemies, even though we were once friends.
The Conflict: What happened and how did it escalate? There were three distinct arguments. Luke confronted him about his party, and why he hadn’t been invited. This argument was awkward, bashful, and embarrassing because the answers to his questions weren’t as harsh as I expected. I ended the argument quickly, allowing Luke to attend the party. The conflict was temporarily resolved by Luke’s invitation, but he caused another argument with my friends. They became furious and demanded that Luke be present at my party or they. Their discomfort was not their spite. I decided to allow my friends to remove him, ending argument number 2. Luke, my friends and I had to engage in a third argument. Luke was made aware of people’s dislike for him and confronted about it. I spoke with him and explained that I do not speak for others and that he wouldn’t be allowed to my house because of various reasons. The conflict escalated after I failed to be honest with Luke. He quickly discovered that I was having a party of my own and confronted us about why he didn’t get invited. He made me feel unappreciated and small while I perceived him as rude and intrusive. I felt forced to agree to him when he stated that I wasn’t invited to the other party. Luke and me were now at peace. He backed off. The news was not good for everyone. 15 texts came in asking me questions about Luke’s invitation and why they didn’t want him to come. The new conflict that emerged between me, my friends, and Luke grew into a long-running dispute. What were the attempts to resolve this conflict? My insincere and open honesty with Luke was a problem that has now spread to many other people. A few girls insisted on telling Luke that he shouldn’t be invited to the party. They felt terrible and didn’t follow through.
Noah, a friend and confidant of mine, was able to make a second attempt at resolving the issue. Noah called Luke over the phone, and respectfully informed him that there was an anonymous group who wasn’t comfortable him being there. Noah didn’t inform Luke, however, that it had been unanimously decided. Luke approached me again at school to continue the argument with me. He asked me why I didn’t support him and who he didn’t want there. After some arguments, I finally told Luke that he was not allowed back. I wanted to bring the others instead. Luke was finally open with me and I explained to him that it would be better for the others to have fun without him.
What was the outcome and why were the steps taken to produce it? Luke was devastated and his feelings hurt. Luke didn’t go to Prom. I was not able to get to him afterwards. This is because he had hid the news for so many years. I was disappointed at the way Luke ended up and the long drawn-out steps that were taken. Luke didn’t realize how much everyone disliked his character and was thus completely unaware when all the details were revealed. I felt morally better telling Luke the truth because none of my friends and I had ever spoken honestly about our feelings toward him.
What did this experience teach me about conflict? Conflicts will always be a problem in my life. I have learned from them. I found out that hiding my feelings from Luke made the situation worse. I now realize that sometimes it’s not the best idea to protect someone else’s feelings in a conflict. I am sorry for this outcome and I will tell Luke immediately if I have to go through it again. The lesson I took away from conflict was that emotions and egos are bound to get hurt. Trying to change this will only make it worse.
